The Choices We Make

Our lives are full of choices from the simplest to the most difficult. It can be what time to get up, what to wear, who to marry, what career, who to employ, when to sell the business, or where to live. The quality of these choices will determine the quality of our lives.

We always have a choice about the content and character of our inner lives.

Epictetus

Sometimes they are potentially life or death choices. Recently, I was asked to choose between chemotherapy, radiotherapy, having both, or none. I had hoped the ‘experts’ would just tell me, but they said the choice was mine. Faced with difficult choices, we often look for others to make it for us. I certainly did. It doesn’t help when you get conflicting advice either. This was not an easy decision to make and relied on the quality of my judgement. It made me think about the way I choose.

Facing the Fear

Given a choice, it is tempting to take the easiest path without the risks. We want to succeed; but it may require taking the more challenging path. There is also the fear of failing, of making the wrong choice. This fear must be faced.

We favour the comfort of conviction over the discomfort of doubt, and we let our beliefs get brittle long before our bones.

Adam Grant, Think Again

We need to understand that we tend to exaggerate the consequences of failure, picturing an outcome much worse than what would happen. In my case, I was afraid of the side effects of chemotherapy and the impact on my life. Initially I overlooked the facts and listened to personal fears and beliefs. It was an emotional roller coaster. Ultimately, I weighed up the facts and what my intuition and judgement were telling me – what felt right for me.

Hopefully, you don’t ever have to make this type of decision, but it can apply to all sorts of choices we have to make at work and at home. It relies on our capacity to make good judgement.

Making the Choice

Dr Robert Hartman researched how we make judgements and concluded that

Better quality outcomes = (competent skill sets + competent processes + good information)  X   Good Judgement

It requires having the skills to make choices. Some people have never been taught or had the experience of making choices, they have always been told what to do. Others haven’t the confidence to decide and so dither. Alternatively, you may have honed these skills and be able to confidently call on your experiences in the past to make a better choice.

There are processes to help you make better choices rather than just pluck an answer out of the air. Edward de Bono developed the six hats principle to get a structured approach to decision making and there are many other techniques. It requires whole brain thinking, as Ned Hermann researched. Briefly, this means looking at the facts, weighing up the risks, listening to your feelings and seeing the bigger picture.

It is vital to have good information to help you, which isn’t always easy in the modern world of misinformation and information overload. It can be a case of paralysis by analysis! You need to trust the source and take the time to research thoroughly. It is important to be aware of echo chambers, where we only listen to information that matches are thinking. You can gather advice from others to gain different perspectives, but ultimately, the choice is yours.

Above all else, it is the capacity to pull this together and use good judgement. Many factors come into play with this and we may be strong in some aspects and less strong in others. You can measure how good your capacity is with the Judgement Index.

There are arguments for and against using intuition. Sometimes spontaneous responses can outperform more deliberate ways of thinking. You need to choose whether to listen to your intuition!

Strengthening the Decision-Making Muscles

The ability to make decisions is like a muscle and the more you use it, the stronger it gets. However, it pays to stop sweating over every choice you make. You can do this by:

• Making faster and fewer decisions.
• Putting in practices to get better at decision making every time.
• Not belabouring the decision in search of evasive perfection.
• Avoiding cognitive overload.

We can overstretch this ‘muscle’ by having too many choices. There was a time, if you wanted a coffee, it was Nescafe, black or white. Nowadays there is a plethora of choice, not only of coffee but what milk you want with it and how you want it served. Restaurant menus can be pages long and whole shopping aisles can be dedicated to one food type . Our brains do not like too much choice, so it helps to narrow down the options, preferably to a maximum of three.

Living With the Choices

However you have made your choice, it is then living with it. You make the decision which is right at the time with your best judgement. Hopefully, it is successful. A mistake is a label in hindsight.

Worrying about whether it is the right choice or having regrets afterwards is a waste of energy. We can learn and grow from the decisions we make and improve for the future. As yet, I don’t know whether I made the right choice about treatment, but I am not going to waste my time worrying about it. Whatever happens, I will deal with the consequences with no regret. There are other choices I can make in the future.

In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.

Theodore Roosevelt

Giving Others Choices

 As a leader, parent, friend or mentor, we can give others the opportunity to make choices for themselves. It helps them develop the skills and confidence to do so. You can delegate decision making and help someone grow.

However, you need to be aware that they may make choices you do not agree with. Never offer an option you’re not willing to accept. You must be willing to go with whatever outcome they select, because once you present the choices, you’ve relinquished control over what will happen.

The Choice is Yours

The better and more challenging our choices, the more we learn and grow, and the more successful we will be. Be bold and believe in yourself. May all your choices be the right ones.

Also published on Medium.