Getting to Win-Win with Effective Negotiations

The news is full of pay negotiations, peace talks between Russia and Ukraine, and potential Prime Ministers trying to win votes, but how many will get to a win-win outcome? It is important to gain an outcome that both parties are happy with, rather than a compromise. The most successful negotiators know it is not about ‘I win, you lose’, but for on-going worthwhile working relationships, you need a ‘win-win’ solution.

We are all negotiating every day, one way or another, at work and in our personal lives. Whenever you try to persuade or influence another person, you are negotiating. It might be asking staff to do additional overtime, Directors to release more capital, a supplier to reduce the cost of an item, a colleague to accept a new idea, or even our children to tidy their bedroom!

“Let us never negotiate out of fear. But let us never fear to negotiate”

John F Kennedy

Some negotiators have great success, whilst others are very fearful of stepping into the negotiation process. Training can help build your confidence and increase your chance of succeeding.

Negotiation Style

Traditionally, negotiations are seen as a battle where both sides take up positions and try to win. This rarely achieves a positive outcome for all participants. Negotiation styles can be described as:

Hard Positional bargaining where each side has a stated position, for example, trade unions and company.

Soft      Maintaining the relationship is most important and people may place this before anything else.

Principled The use of principles and the desire for a win-win.

I recommend the book, Getting to Yes by Roger Fisher and William Ury, as this provides a more in-depth description of these and how to achieve the right outcome.

Defining an Effective Negotiation

“Negotiation is not a boxing match; it’s more like a dance between strangers in which the participants need to develop a deep understanding of each other to avoid tripping over themselves.“

Thomas Koulopoulos, Founder, Delphi Group

Some aspects of an effective negotiation are:

• Both parties are happy with the result so you achieve a win-win.
• It leads to good outcomes with clear solutions, which are seen as fair.
• Participants are well prepared, have the relevant facts, and know the outcomes required.
• There is open and honest dialogue, which is clear, concise, and factual.
• Everyone is respectful, courteous, and constructive, where people feel listened to.
• The discussion strengthens the relationship and builds trust, so you can repeat the process in the future.
• Time is taken to cover the whole picture with no hidden agendas or extras.

How effective are your negotiations?

Tips to Getting to Win-Win

Here are a few tips to help you achieve a win-win more often.

• Fail to plan, plan to fail. Take time to consider your needs, outcomes required, but also what the other person’s may be. Plan your approach and what your minimum and maximum position will be, what questions you need to ask and what standards or criteria you are using.
• Think about your values and what you will not compromise on. What might the other person’s beliefs be?
• Define what your best alternative is to this negotiation, so you have a safety net. Do not be afraid to walk away.
• Seek first to understand and then be understood. Listen to their needs and remember the importance of silence.
• Involve them in the process.
• Be confident and ensure your body language and tone reflects that. State your case clearly and stay calm.
• Understand the powers you have and use them to good affect.
• Good language can help strengthen your case e.g., ‘For your peace of mind, I can offer you…..’ It shows you are thinking about them.
• Ask good open questions. The quality of the answer depends on the quality of the question. If the other person is emotional, questions can help get them from the emotional brain into their rational thinking brain.
• Be prepared to offer alternatives or explore other options.
• Once agreed, confirm in writing.

“When others feel they are heard BY you, they are more apt to listen TO you.”

Roger Fisher & William Ury

Values in Negotiations

Have you ever been in a negotiation with someone and no matter how hard you tried you just weren’t getting your point across? You finally had to just “agree to disagree”. It can be frustrating when you think you are clearly expressing yourself, and you can’t believe how someone doesn’t seem to be picking up what you are putting down. What you might not be considering is that they are probably thinking the exact same thing.

Without always being conscious of it, we tend to assume that our thoughts and attitudes are shared by others and are even a reflection of the larger population. Why do we assume that other people think like we do? It may come from a need to fuel our self-esteem or from a need to project our opinions onto others. Basically, we each approach a situation with our own, unique VALUES, and we are constantly putting those values onto others. (Axiology article by Judgement Index)

Your values have formed over the course of your entire life and are being refined by every new experience. No one else has had the same experiences you have had, therefore no one else is going to have the same values. When you assume that other people want what you want, like what you like, and think like you think, you are putting your values on them. This misconception will leave you and the other person frustrated and disappointed every time. It pays to listen and understand the other person’s values. Do you know your own values and how these influence your thinking?

Even if you follow these guidelines; the other person may not know them and make things difficult for you. It is important not to be drawn into a ‘battle’ or game. Remember this should be a side-by-side approach; a ‘dance’, so stay calm and stick to your process. If they are still intransigent, then you can always walk away.

Summary

• Analyse, plan, and prepare.  
• Be assertive – perform bravely.
• Remember negotiators are people with their own needs and values.
• Get agreement which is a win-win.
• Enjoy the experience.
• Review your performance, learn the lessons, and move on.

If you would like to know more, then please contact us or book on our next course, which looks at handling difficult negotiations.

Also published on Medium.