Don’t Let Meeting Behaviours Wreck Your Day

Whether in a group or one-to-one, face-to-face, or virtual, there is a risk of unreasonable meeting behaviours. The important thing is to minimise that risk and manage difficult behaviours when they happen. People need to know what is expected of them and how they will be held accountable.

“You know how disruptive some behaviours can be and how interruptions and distractions ruin the enjoyment of everyone in attendance. Though there are many types of difficult audience members, rules of conduct for the chairperson or speaker never change. The first and most important is upholding professionalism. Professional behaviour can encompass many qualities. They include integrity, respectfulness, and maintaining a calm demeanour. Regardless of the situation, there are effective ways of defusing tension and returning focus to your agenda. It is always better to avoid engaging in a negative way with anyone in your audience.”

Toastmasters International

Irritating Behaviours

On a recent workshop, Coping With Meeting Behaviours, delegates outlined what they find irritating. These were:

• Latecomers.
• Taking a phone call or using electronic devices.
• Talkative show-off who rambles on or keeps interrupting others.
• Turning every point into a joke.
• Bringing drama or venting without solutions.
• Not contributing.
• Resisting change –’we’ve done it like this for 30 years’.

What behaviours do you find annoying?

The key to many of these behaviours is having clear expectations and an assertive well-trained chairperson, who will deal with them. It is also leading by example.

People can be so focussed on their own agenda that they have no concept of the impact they have on others and the wider goals of the team/group. Purpose, expectations and firm management can help them focus on the key agenda. If it is repeated behaviour, have a private word outside of the meeting or in a break to make them aware of the impact they are having.

Setting Expectations

If people are clear what the protocols or expectations are for a meeting, it is much easier to avoid or deal with disruptive behaviours. Planning is everything. It can help to involve attendees in agreeing the expectations or protocols. Be clear what the purpose of the meeting is and what your success criteria are. This can help to keep people focused. It is beneficial to explain when and how they can contribute, as well as any time limits.

A clear agenda with an expected timing for each item can set the parameters for everyone.

Clarifying Expectations When Invited to a Meeting

If you are invited to a meeting, it can be very useful to ask the following questions, and to encourage others to do the same, so behaviours are appropriate.

• What is the meeting about?
• What is the purpose of the meeting? (information, action, discipline, etc.)
• What are the expected outcomes?
• Do I need to be there? (for the whole time/part of the time)
• How does it involve me?
• What contribution can I make?
• What benefit is there in my attending?
• Do I need to prepare anything beforehand?
• Are there any outstanding issues from the previous meeting?
• Is there anything I would like to add to the agenda?

Latecomers

Some people always seem to be late, which can disrupt the meeting. Waiting for them only rewards bad behaviour and punishes those who have turned up on time. Of course, there can be reasons why they are late, but they can let you know beforehand. If it is a one-to-one or they are the key speaker, you may have to cope with it. Otherwise, some suggestions are:

• Have a check-in time 5-10 minutes before the meeting is due to start.
• Make timeliness an agreed protocol and build a culture that demonstrates its importance.
• Don’t book a meeting immediately after another one is due to finish.
• Start on time and don’t stop the meeting or recap when they arrive.
• If late for no reason, you may choose to dismiss them from the meeting, or agree a fine, say £5 to a charity. This can be in the protocols and agreed by the team.

The Electronic Enthusiast

In this age of technology, people have many ways to be distracted by their devices. This is disrespectful and can be a major disruption for others. It also means that the person will not be actively listening.

• When setting clear expectations at the beginning, get agreement about use of electronic devices and taking calls during any meeting.
• They may be taking notes. Check out what they are doing, and if appropriate, ignore the behaviour and go on with the meeting. If something unrelated to the meeting, politely ask them to stop.
• If you prefer people to engage without the use of any electronic device, enlist them in an activity that requires their full concentration.
• Direct people to use their electronic devices to aid the meeting. Examples of activities are polls, streamed social media responses, and other opportunities to post feedback during the meeting.

Talkative Show- off

This is the attention seeking or enthusiast for the topic, who monopolises the conversation to prove personal expertise. It’s finding ways to avoid these people wasting time for their own glorification, but without destroying their enthusiasm. It is also important to ensure they listen to others.

• Interrupt and call a halt to the input, summarise, and move on by selecting a new starting point.
• Give a positive comment or a word of thanks for their input, then ask someone else.  
• Use the group “What do others think of that?” Or “What John has said has raised issue of costs, what do you think those are likely to be, Mary?”
• Have a timed agenda or agreed ‘airtime’ to speak and remind them of it.
• Call out interruptions, stop the interrupter, and go back to the original speaker.
• Establish importance of listening to each other in the ground rules and lead by example.
• Watch for signs of non-listening – doodling, star gazing, snoring!
• Ask questions of them to check understanding or ask them to summarise last points.
• Make it fun by having ‘fines’ for over talking, interrupting or deviation. You could give out yellow cards. Ultimately, you may need to send them out of the meeting.

The Joker

This may be a useful behaviour if the joking is appropriate and helps to lighten the atmosphere. If it is inappropriate or continuous however, it needs dealing with firmly and swiftly. You can decide whether to deal with at the time or privately. This is where having the expectations and purpose clear can give you a framework to bring them back to.

Drama or Venting

In contrast, you may have someone who constantly makes a drama out of everything or goes off on a rant. This can create a toxic environment which inhibits other contributing.

• Assertively stop them, whilst recognising that this is an emotive issue for them.
• Assess whether they have a valid point and rephrase it in less aggressive terms.
• Remind them of the protocols.
• Ask for solutions rather than problems.
• Be clear at the start which level you want the meeting to be at and pull it back to that. Avoid the drama level if you can, unless required.
  • Vision  Having a clear vision is about knowing what the goal is.
  • Planning  How you are going to get there – without going into detail.
  • Detail    This is the detail of doing the above.
  • Problem   Problem solving when things go wrong.
  • Drama  Here lies emotional charge and can be a sticking point.

Silent Ones

There are some people who are timid, shy, bored, indifferent, or inexperienced, who won’t have their say. You can help them open up.

• Ask specific questions. Start with an easy one to build confidence and give praise for response. Bring them into the meeting. “John, with your experience you must have some good advice about this, what do you think?”
• Speak to them beforehand and then lead them in. “Jane, you had a good idea on this the other day, why don’t you tell the others?”
• Give them time to respond. You could even prime them before the meeting that you will be asking for their views.
• If they refuse to answer, move on to someone else, but say you will be coming back to them in a minute when they have had time to think. If in a one-to-one, then ask them what is preventing them from answering. Don’t accept ‘I don’t know’ and coach a response with some incisive questions.
• If consistently silent, then question whether to invite them to the meeting.

Change Resister

Many people fear change and hang on to old ways like a comfort blanket. Managing change is a great skill and there is not time to cover it here.

• Recognise their expertise and ask for solutions based on what didn’t work before.
• Ask what they most fear about the change.
• Get everyone to highlight the benefits of the change.

The Riot

I only once experienced a meeting get out of hand when I was training some teenagers.  In that instance, I introduced them to meditation! Afterwards, they said that was the best thing they learnt. If it happens to you, try the following.

• Never get upset or emotional yourself – don’t panic. Be assertive and calm.
• Pick on one element and try to isolate that and deal with it objectively.
• Recognise the issue before regrouping e.g. “You are quite right, this is a contentious issue which is going to cause emotions to run high, however let’s …”
• Call for a few minutes complete silence before restarting, or announce a short break and insist it is taken, or leave the matter to later, but make sure everyone understands it will be dealt with.
• As an absolute last resort – call a halt to the meeting until another time.

If you would like to find out more about controlling meeting behaviours or would like to share what has worked for you, please contact me.

Also published on Medium.